This is such a hard post to write. I think partly because for the past 13 years that I've kept this blog, I have always written it with one particular reader in mind. That person was my Grandpa Bestor. He would check this page regularly and he would let me know if it had been a while and I needed to post an update so he could see what was going on in our lives! I knew that he was always looking at it and loved seeing the news with our family. When we moved back to Idaho after living in Wisconsin from 2007-2010, I knew this would be a way that he could see pictures of the boys (and then Avery) and feel like he was in the loop. A lot of times when I was writing, I felt like I was writing for him. Part of me feels like I should just stop this blog now, but I know that's not what he would want me to do. I love having these as a journal for my family if nothing else.
The past month was cruising right along. We enjoyed the last few weeks of summer vacation by going to Rexburg Rapids where Gabe was working as a lifeguard, floating Warm Slough a couple of times with our friends, and Caleb was starting to have football practices.
On August 19th, it was the first day that I had to go "back to work" with our first teacher inservice. It was also my and Josh's 17th anniversary. Of course, my grandpa had sent us a card with some money in it and it had arrived the day before. I called him in the early evening when we were on our way to take Caleb to football practice to let him know we got the card and to say thank you for the money. He asked how we were planning to spend our anniversary and I had told him, "Well, we are dropping Caleb off at football and we are going to quick go get some dinner together and then go pick him back up!" It was a nice conversation and at the end of it, he asked me to text him our new address when we hung up because he didn't have it yet and he had sent the card to the old address (luckily I had the forwarding set up, so it still got to us.) I ended up texting him our address and he responded with, "Thanks Tiffany, Wishing you many more Happy, Healthy Years Ahead. Love you all, Gramps." (I loved how he always "signed" his name at the bottom of text messages.) I responded with "Thanks Grandpa! Love you! Hope you get feeling better!" He had told me in a conversation (I can't remember if it was that night or a few days earlier) that he just hadn't been feeling that great the past few weeks. He had said really all summer that he had felt kind of sick, like his body was just "worn out." He had lost some weight and he felt like he got sick when he ate too much of anything. I remember hanging up and thinking, "I wonder if his life is coming to a close soon." It turns out that my premonitions were correct.
Only four days later, on Monday, August 23 at about 2pm, he suffered a major stroke. Nancy had been trying to call him all morning and he wouldn't answer. She eventually went over to his house and knocked on the door, but he didn't answer. She called my dad and uncle Jim and then the police and they went over with her. They found him laying on the couch. He was still alive, but barely able to move and only able to speak a little bit. They ended up taking him first to Agnesian, where my mom saw him at about 4:00, and then taking him by helicopter to Theda Care in Neenah. He spent about the next week there. At times, they thought maybe he would improve enough to go into a rehab center. Then, he seemed to go downhill. He had been talking for a couple of days in short sentences, but it seemed like his brain wasn't what it used to be and his whole left side was mostly paralyzed.
In the midst of all this going on, my kids and I started school on Wednesday, August 25th. There were days where it seemed like maybe he would get better and we kept waiting to hear every day how he was doing or if we should book flights to come home. My dad and Melissa and my uncle Jim had all flown to Wisconsin the day after his stroke to be with him. Both of my parents just kept telling me to wait, and not book any flights yet, and that, "It could go either way." There was some discrepancy about just how bad his condition was, depending on who you talked to, but eventually, the decision was made to NOT move him into any hospice care and simply just take him back home.
On Wednesday, September 1st, they transported him back home. My uncle Jim said as they moved him off the ambulance and were wheeling him on the stretcher into the house, he seemed to turn his face up to the sun and smile so they asked him, "Do you want to pause here for a minute?" He gave them a thumbs up and they paused for a minute in the sunlight before heading inside. Then, they moved him into his living room in the house and got him comfortable. Everyone said he seemed happy to be at home.
The next day, at about 3:00 in the afternoon, he passed away peacefully with all four of his kids, Melissa, and Rachel by his side. My mom was telling me that Rachel had told them about the moment he passed away. She said each of the four kids had kind of been coming and going all day, but it got to be about 3:00 and finally, everyone was there again in the same room. She said that Nancy, Jim, and my dad had gone up to him and said, "It's ok to let go, dad. We know mom's waiting for you. You can go ahead," but he still just seemed like he was fighting it. They said, "Karen, you need to tell him it's ok to go." Karen is the one who has probably been the most reliant upon him in her life and probably the one he was most worried to leave behind. But she went up to him and told him, "It's okay, dad. I will be fine. You need to let go. It'll be okay." I guess he had been kind of taking these short breaths and it seemed like he was fighting to hang on, but after she said that, he started to breathe a little less often and it seemed like he was slowly letting go. Then, in the final moments, he had had his eyes closed this whole time, but my sister said he suddenly opened his eyes, looked up at the ceiling, and just smiled. Then he closed his eyes and he was gone. It makes me wonder what he was able to see in those final seconds. Was it as if the veil was lifting, like a curtain at the opening of a stage show, and all of a sudden he could see his wife and his siblings and his parents just standing there welcoming him? I don't know. I hope so.
I feel like, for the past 20 years, my grandpa has been looking forward to the day he would leave this earth and see my grandma again. I'm so happy for him and I know he's happy now, but it's just sad knowing that he's no longer on this earth anymore. I can't just call him and chat whenever I feel like it. My kids won't get any more cheesy, musical ecards with dancing penguins for their birthdays. When we go to Wisconsin to visit, we won't get to meet up with grandpa at Lakeside park and ride the train or go to McDonald's or Culvers. I'm so glad that my kids got to know him for as long as they did, but it's definitely going to leave an empty void in all of our hearts now.
When he passed away on September 2, it was a Thursday and it was coming up on Labor Day weekend. They called the funeral home and were told that the soonest they could do the memorial service would be the next Thursday. So I went to school on Tuesday after the students came back after Labor Day, but then I flew out of Idaho Falls early Wednesday morning. I arrived in Madison at about 2pm. We decided that only I would go because the kids had school and Caleb had football and it was move-in week for the BYUI students and Josh was super short-staffed with the police department. My brother was just going by himself too, so it seemed like it was best if I just went.
I stayed at my grandma Dahlke's house, which was nice because I got to spend some time with her. My brother stayed at my mom's house, which was already pretty full with Rachel, Jasmine, and Brayden. We had the funeral on Thursday and then we went out to the cemetery and scattered his ashes on my grandma's grave. My grandpa always wanted to just do what was cheapest and most simple, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that he wanted to be cremated, but it was still a little weird. I had never been to a funeral for someone that wasn't in a casket before. It was kind of weird not even being able to see him one last time. They had two of his hats - a Packers one and a Wisconsin one - sitting on a table next to the little box that had his ashes in them. My sister and Nancy had worked to make all of these poster boards with photos on them to display all over the front of the room, which was really nice. It was a LOT of photos. The service was small, with only about 30 people there, but that's what he had wanted. It was only his four kids and their spouses, my mom, the grandkids (me, Aaron, Rachel, and the four Davies boys), Jasmine, Brayden, Anna, his brother, Don (the last remaining sibling of all 15 kids!), a few neighbors, my uncle Joe (who was married to grandma's sister, Millie), and a few others. They played some songs, Jasmine and I read a couple scripture passages, but mostly it was open for anyone to come up and share their favorite memories of gramps. It was really nice and so fun to hear about these stories of my grandpa. It really did seem like a "celebration of life" rather than a sad funeral. We were laughing at times even. Everyone seemed to remember the common themes of his kindness, generosity, service for others, and his sense of humor. He took care of many lawns, played lots of practical jokes, always remembered birthdays, anniversaries, and more, and just brought light to everyone he knew. He will be missed by so many.
I flew back home on Friday afternoon, which just so happened to also be my grandpa's 92 birthday. I finally arrived back home at about 1am. It's crazy to think that just two years ago on this very same day, I was flying home to surprise my grandpa for his 90th birthday party. As the plane landed and I was sitting on the runway, I had the immediate thought, "I better text my grandpa and tell him I made it back safely...." (he always wanted me to do that) and then I remembered. I guess he probably already knew I had made it home safely this time. I feel like my grandpa was always kind of intimidating when I was a kid. It wasn't until after my grandma died that I feel like I got to know him as he truly was. He still had his sarcastic sense of humor and swore occasionally, but I feel like he lived each day, trying to be a better person for my grandma. I know that he's with her now and that he's so happy.
I have looked at TONS of pictures in the past week and added so many to the family tree app. So, I will only post a couple of my favorites here. I also got to bring back home with me all of the Christmas books that I had made for my grandpa over the past 15 years. My aunt Karen and my dad already had copies, so I asked if I could take them. I also took one of his Wisconsin Badgers baseball caps to remember him by. I can't think of anything else that would best represent him. He wore hats all the time. I wonder who is getting his rollerblades... I should've asked about that!
The other things that have been going on are - we closed on the purchase of the new land that we are actually building on. We hope to break ground in the next two weeks. The kids are all in school. Gabe is officially at the high school, Caleb is with me in 8th grade at the junior high, and Avery is in her final year (4th grade) at Burton elementary. Life just keeps moving on. It will just be a little bit empty now without our gramps in it. Till we meet again, Gramps!
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