Gabe Arrives in Spain and Homecoming Week!

I haven't written in about a month, but I feel like I'm on here all the time because I'm updating a separate blog just for Gabe's mission experiences almost weekly! It's kind of hard to know how much I should write on here about Gabe's mission because I also am doing that other book, but yet I feel like someday he will take those books and I will have these, so I want to include SOME things here just about Gabe and how he's doing!

Gabe is in Spain! 

So, I'll start with that! Gabe left the MTC in the middle of the night, at like 3am on September 3rd (the day after Labor Day!) I was kind of in and out of sleep all night because I knew he would be getting up at like 2:00am, checking out of the MTC, and taking the SLC train with about 15 other elders and sisters to get to the SLC airport. Then he had to check his bags (which he somehow magically got to under 50 pounds each - probably because he also packed his temple backpack and called it a "personal item") - and then he flew from SLC to Atlanta. He stayed in Atlanta for a few hours and then it was an overnight flight to Spain! He arrived in Madrid at what felt like about 3am his body clock time (Utah/Idaho time) but it was already about 10am Spain time! So he got off the plane, met with the mission president, and did a few other things at the mission office it sounds like! That night, he slept in Madrid with the other 15 new missionaries that had all just arrived. They used to have an MTC in Madrid right by the temple, so now it's just a mission office and kind of a place to stay for people when they come to the temple. The next day, Gabe found out who his companion would be, and he loves him! I'm so happy! That was my main prayer for him - to love his companion. His name is Wisdom Bright (Elder Bright) and he's a black dude who grew up in eastern Spain. He also speaks English, so that's good! It seems like he has a pretty chill personality as well. So, Gabe is doing well, and he likes his apartment and he's still getting used to speaking Spanish, but that will come with time. I won't say much else about Gabe because tons of details are on his blog, but I'm so grateful he's having a good experience so far. I'm still missing him like crazy, but I'm trying to adjust. (I'm honestly kind of kicking myself for insisting I needed part-time this year...) I'm so crazy to even be saying that, but honestly, I feel like I just need to stay busy and I'm much better than when I'm just sitting home bored. 

Homecoming week!

Homecoming week is honestly one of my favorites of the year! I LOVE being able to find a way to dress comfy for school every day! lol I wore my Packer pajama pants one day, Lauren's overalls one day ("Minion Day"), and Caleb's old football jersey on Friday. Another day I wore jeans and a black sweatshirt to match Melissa and Nicole Stucki for "twins" day. It's like, "What are they going to do? it's homecoming!" I love it! I also loved all of the homecoming festivities in the evenings like the Powder Puff girls game that Caleb helped coach! He was coaching the junior girls (because he's a junior) and they WON! Every year, they try to rig it so the seniors win, but there was nothing they could do. It was so obvious that the juniors were just good and kept scoring touchdowns! It was a really fun game to watch. Then on Friday night, the varsity team (Caleb's team) played against Blackfoot and totally killed them. I want to say the score was like 45-6 or something like that. The weather was also beautiful! Josh had been on this bike ride thing that he did to raise money for bulletproof vests, so he had to rent a car and drive back just for Homecoming, and then go back for the rest of the bike ride the next day. So he was basically gone from Thursday to Sunday. Then when he got back, all this other stupid crap at the police department blew up in his face and it was soooo annoying. I honestly hate the police department sometimes, especially lately. I feel like his job causes him so much stress, and then it overflows and he comes home mad and quiet, and it's just so dumb. There are many days I wish he would've done physical therapy like he said he was going to when we were engaged. The only thing that's good about his job is that he can retire in about ten years and collect a pension, and at that point, I'm just really hoping he starts doing something like teaching evening classes at a college or working security at BYUI or something that's just low-stress and chill. Cause right now it's not great.

Oh, and I forgot to talk about Caleb's homecoming dance! He took Ellie Carter (my former TA and Avery's former viola tutor). She's the sweetest girl and they had a fun group. Claire took pictures at BYUI gardens, and then they ate dinner at the Gates clubhouse, which Colin's mom helps manage. So we ordered in Fresco dinner and they ate and hung out there, and then went to the dance. I think he had fun!

So, that's all for now! The kids are on spud harvest break, and so it's a little boring right now! This morning I was looking forward to sleeping in, but then it turned into the morning that Gabe could call because they were stuck at a member's house last night. (Usually, he's been calling on Sundays) But so, today it was nice to talk to him on his actual P-Day because we are off school and he could call on Monday instead! Anyways! That's all for now! Here are a bunch of pictures!

Football, Fishing, and Back to School

 Just a quick update! This last week was the last week of summer vacation 2024! :( I can't believe how fast it went. I feel like our family has lived 5 different lives in the past 4 months! We've gone from being super busy with Josh being gone to the FBI Academy in April/May and both boys being busy with track and Avery and I being busy with school, to traveling out to Washington DC and Wisconsin, to getting Gabe ready to leave on his mission, to Gabe actually LEAVING on his mission, to us fumbling around and trying to figure out life without him. And now another school year is starting tomorrow and I can't even believe it! I told someone that this is the least I have thought about school starting in all my years of teaching. I feel mostly ready, but I haven't really obsessed over the details like I usually do because I just feel like there's been so much else on my mind! I haven't even had room left in my brain to stress about school! Also, I think the fact that I'm only going to be there until 12:30 each day has me feeling like, "It's all fine, it's going to be a breeze." But I still should probably lesson plan! lol It's just been crazy busy at the school too because the new addition got done and it caused a huge shake up of classrooms, so I'm one of the few that isn't moving! So this last week when we weren't at the high school for inservice days, we were at the junior high and I was helping other teachers clean out the English closet and/or move things into their classroom. I really didn't spend a lot of time sitting in MY classroom getting ready! So, we will see how it all goes tomorrow! Guess we will find out! lol

I feel like my mood has been better this week. I started taking magnesium supplements, which a neighbor/doctor had recommended, and I feel like that's helped. I had sent some of those to Gabe a few weeks ago when he was struggling and he started feeling better too, so I don't know if that made the difference or just that he got adjusted to being there too. I also started taking my birth control pills again. I was seriously just feeling so weird those last couple weeks that I wasn't on them. I was super weepy and I could hardly even sleep, my mind just kept running. I'd wake up and stress about Gabe being gone and my mind would just keep racing about all of my anxieties about life in the future, and it was so bad. There was one night I really only got like 3 hours of sleep. So I started taking them again and the magnesium at the same time, and I think it's been better these past few days. I'm still telling Josh, "I still feel like I might be being prompted to have another baby, which I realize sounds crazy. But why can't I stop thinking about it?" I don't know if I'm still just sad about Gabe being gone or if there's really something the Lord is trying to tell me. I told Josh, "Maybe you just get your vasectomy reversed, and I stop taking my birth control pills for a few months, and we just see. Then if it does't happen, we'll know and be like, "Welp, we tried." He's like, "Heeecccck no." He didn't say those exact words, but basically. Truthfully, statistically even if he did get it reversed, there's only like a 40 percent chance of his swimmers being successful after a vasectomy ten years ago. So, it's pretty likely it wouldn't even happen. But what if?? Who knows. I'm probably just a 40-year-old lady having a midlife crisis, I know. 

Anyways, let me talk about Caleb's football game opener! After practicing all summer, the day finally arrived! On Friday, August 23, Caleb ran out onto the field with all the other Madison Bobcats and played a great game! He ended up playing guard because Cary Fa was injured. All summer he has been playing as center, so I really hope he gets to play that again when Cary comes back! The problem is, the other guy who plays center is a senior, and they tend to give priority to seniors. I just wish the would bench him and let Caleb play because even Justin Mumm who coached last year told me Caleb is sooo much better than Teagan. We will see! But the game went well. It started pouring during the first quarter and there was even some lightning, but the didn't call it off! We ended up beating the Bonneville Bees 41-6. It was a great way to start the season! Here are some pictures!

On Saturday, Caleb and I went to Idaho Falls and watched Cayson Summers play in his little grid kid jamboree. It wasn't the same as having your own kid out there to watch. :( I really wish I had a little boy that was 10 right now! But I can't just ZAP one in unfortunately! Caleb has been helping coach their team a little bit, so he was my excuse to go along and watch. Then we went to Winco and got some groceries, and then we drove over and watched the beginning of the freshmen game. They were doing really well and I would've watched more, but Josh called and was wanting us to hurry back so he, Caleb, Cody, Colter, and Cayson could all go fishing together. Josh had planned on going fishing on Friday with some work friends (Hirschi and a couple others) but then they had a homocide happen late Thursday night, and Josh ended up being gone all night dealing with that, so the fishing didn't happen on Friday morning! I'm glad they got to go on Saturday. He needed to decompress a little I think. Between Eliah's suicide last week and all the funeral stuff and now this homocide, it's been pretty heavy.

Also, we got to talk to Gabe two days ago on Friday! It was the 4th Facetime call we've had with him as a missionary, and I feel like he's definitely so much better adjusted than he was since the first one. When we had the first one (only two days after he had gotten there) I really wondered if he would stay out on his mission! He was sooo homesick and sad. But now, he says all the time that he's feeling a lot better and he's feeling excited to leave the MTC. The crazy thing is, he will probably leave there in about a week! He told us that tomorrow (August 26) he is taking a bus with a few other missionaries to UVU to meet with the Spanish consulate about his visa. It sounds like the visa has been approved and he just needs to go meet in person to pick it up! So, he's excited, but I'm a little nervous! I feel like he's well-adjusted and comfortable right now and in a week and half, we will have another P-Day call where he's sad and homesick and nervous. It sounds like I'm in for the next two years of being a constant roller coaster of ups and downs and just worrying from thousands of miles away! I don't know how I'm going to handle that! But here are some of his best pictures from the past week (lots more will be on his other blog).

2.5 weeks without Gabe, End of Summer, Almost Back to School

Well, Gabe has officially been in the MTC for 2.5 weeks, and we are still trying to adjust to life without him around. I feel like I'm having the hardest time. Caleb and Avery seem fine, Josh seems okay. I'm struggling. Gabe and I were really best buds, so it's hard for me not having him around. I keep having thoughts about having another baby and I'm not sure if that's just my mid-life crisis and being sad over Gabe leaving, or if it's actually something I'm feeling prompted about. It sounds crazy. It is crazy. I always told people having a surprise baby after my kids were old would be my nightmare. Now I'm actually considering it! I should probably stop. Who knows if we even COULD have another baby. So, I better just stop thinking about it. 

Anyways, the house does still seem quieter and emptier without Gabe. But Caleb is like a 10-year-old boy at heart, even though he's 16 and 280 pounds. Last night, he had his friends Benson, Cole, and Jameson over and they had each proudly bought their own big Lego set at Walmart. Then they came back here and started to assemble them in our living room while watching a movie. 

I feel like having teenagers brings so much life into the home because it's their friends that are over too. I miss having Gabe Appleby and Noah and Porter over, who were Gabe's good friends. Porter is on a mission too and Noah and Gabe A. both are starting their senior year this year. Avery's in that awkward preteen spot where she just struggles with friends. I feel like she doesn't really have people over like the boys always did. Boys really are so much easier to raise than girls, at least our boys. I hope Avery gets a little nicer and happier in her teen years. 

Also on Saturday, we floated the Warm Slough, just me, Josh, Avery, and Caleb. We had tried to invite the Milners or the Hughes, but they were both busy. I feel like it's kind of a bummer that a lot of my friends are younger than me, or even if they AREN'T younger, they feel younger because they started having kids later. Like all of my high school friends right now have kids that are 5-10 years old because they didn't start having kids until their late 20s or 30s, whereas I had Gabe at 21. I always thought I'd be so happy and feeling like ahead of the game to be done raising kids at like 45, but now thinking about being an empty nester at 46 makes me really, really sad. Like, crying hysterically in the shower and wondering what my purpose in life is sad (which is what I did a few hours ago in the shower.) But I probably need to just embrace that I'm getting old I guess. In the evening, we went out to dinner with Lindsey and Cody Summers. Colter and Clay came over here and hung out with Caleb and Avery and went swimming, but Landyn was with friends at the fair and Cayson was with friends somewhere. I really like Cody and Lindsey. I honestly think if they didn't have two little boys, maybe I wouldn't be wanting to have another baby. But I look around at all my friends and think, "What am I going to be doing once Caleb leaves? Our house will be sooo boring, and Josh will be working for 10 more years and all my friends will be busy with their kids, and I'll just be sitting around looking at a wall and feeling sad!" It's really been occupying my thoughts lately that I should've had another kid or two after Avery. 

I feel like I haven't really talked about anything we did this week! We also helped Claire moved, which also sucks, because she was my good friend and now she doesn't live in our neighborhood anymore. She moved into an older part of town and honestly, I think the house they bought is pretty crappy, but she so desperately wanted to buy a house. Now I can't ride my bike over there anymore, which is also adding to why I'm feeling bored and sad. 

Caleb has been having football practices lately. I am really excited to watch him play football this fall. Hopefully, that goes well and he feels like he's a good part of the team. There's been a little drama lately over which position he will play. We were thinking he would be center, but now there's been talk about him playing guard or something. I would rather him play center. He's good at snapping the ball. But we will see! 

Josh is super busy with his chief duties all the time. I feel like whenever he's not at work he's either talking on the phone or texting someone. We had a boy in our community named Eliah Gordo commit suicide the other day, which was awful, and Josh was the first one on the scene. Caleb knew him pretty well and was on student council with him. They are having a candlelight vigil tonight for him at the baseball fields. I think about what I'm going through missing Gabe, and then I get kind of like, sheepish because I think of Brandee (Eliah's mom) and the hell she must be going through right now. I can't even imagine. 

Anyways, I start teacher work days and inservices on Tuesday - Friday, so I better get my head in the game for school. Then the kids all start back on Monday, August 26. I'm hoping teaching gets my mind off things, but right now I just feel so weird. It just doesn't feel quite right and I'm worried that it never will again. :( Does this ever get better? Here are some pictures of Gabe (tons more are on his blog page) but he's doing well, and I'm grateful for that!

1.5 Weeks Without Gabe

Well, today is Saturday, August 10, and it's been 10 days since we dropped Gabe off at the MTC in Provo. The good news is, I'm not QUITE as big of a hot mess as I was last time I wrote. Honestly, the hardest part of the day for me is always right when I wake up and open my eyes and remember that Gabe isn't in our house anymore. Then I get really sad and start to have a mini panic attack. This morning, I had to wake up and go to a relief society birthday breakfast for people with July and August birthdays, so it was actually kind of good to get me out of bed and out of the house. For that reason, I am a little grateful for school to be starting because I'll have something I need to wake up and go do. 

Okay, now it's Sunday. Yesterday was actually a good day because we seemed busy all day. Josh started building a shed in the backyard, Caleb and Avery were both home most of the day. Caleb was helping Josh build the shed for a while and Avery and him started playing Mario Kart in between the down times. It brought back memories of the boys playing Mario Kart when they were little! I went to the relief society breakfast and cleaned the kids' bathroom and did a bunch of laundry, so I felt busy and productive. 

Friday had been a good day too because we were able to talk to Gabe a LOT. He had to go to the temple in the morning, but then at about 12:30 he called and talked to just me for about an hour. The conversation was both good and bad. It was good because he seemed like he was doing better and that gave me peace of mind. It was a little bad because I MAAAAY have admitted to him that I read some of his emails between him and Sophia as they were planning their little MTC meet-up. To be fair, she had sent me a text message on Tuesday with a picture of Gabe and his companion and it said, "Look who I saw!" I was not even sure how to react to her. So instead, I sent the screenshot of that text to Gabe and had said, "Gabe, I say this out of love, but you need to get your head on straight." He wrote back right away and was like, "How do I need to get my head on straight?" And I was like, "If you're focusing on Sophia and messaging her to plan to run into her at the MTC, then you're probably not focusing on your classes and thinking about things that you need to." And he was like, "We just ran into each other. It wasn't planned. I just looked up because I heard someone saying my name and there she was!" So.... I knew that wasn't true because I opened my laptop and his email was still connected, and I instantly could see this huge chain of messages where they were constantly talking about where each other would be and when they were walking where. So it was OBVIOUS they had been basically texting and had planned it. At first, I didn't want to call him out on that because then he would know I had read his emails. So I just kind of played it cool and said, "I just want you to focus, etc." But then finally about 24 hours later on Wednesday, I texted Sophia back and told her I didn't think she should message Gabe except on P-days and that it probably wasn't a good idea for them to have coordinated that meet-up because he's been saying he's having a hard time focusing on classes and I think it would be easier if he wasn't messaging you all the time. (I said it in a nicer way than that.... but basically that was the gist.) She texted me back on Wednesday after a few minutes and was like, "I'm sorry, I didn't know I was being a distraction." And then I texted her back and was like, "It's ok, I know you weren't trying to be..." and I thought we were fine. But THEN, her crazy MOM sends me this super snarky text out of nowhere, like, "I can't believe you would text Sophia and tell her that! Now she feels terrible and sick! She should be having fun with her cousin at FSY and now she is miserable." And I was like, "What?" She even said that she had ENCOURAGED the planned meet-up at the MTC! I was floored. Who is this woman? The thing that REALLY made me mad was that I saw an email from Sophia where she said to Gabe, "My mom said she hopes Gabe 'mans up' and sees me at the the MTC." WHAT!? Breaking the rules the first week you are on your mission is not what I would call "being a man." I was so annoyed. SOOOO... anyways... long story short... On Friday's phone call with Gabe we kind of talked about all this and how I had read his messages. He wasn't thrilled about that. But I told him I wouldn't read them anymore, and I haven't. (It's been three days... quite the accomplishment... lol) Have I been a little tempted? Yes. Have I done it? No. So there's that! Anyways, it could have turned into a really bad phone call with a fight about me reading his emails and him being mad, but it really didn't go that bad. I told him I was sorry for doing that, but that I really just wanted to know if he was lying to me (which he was) about planning that run-in with Sophia. I hope that moving forward, he will start to CHOOSE for himself to follow the rules and not get too focused on her. I'm really just hoping with time, Sophia moves on, Gabe moves on, and they just stop writing to each other. It would be great if he just Dear Jane'd her in about 6 months to be honest. I don't really know if that will happen because he won't be like, interested in dating anyone else or tempted by other girls while on his mission, so I'm hoping they just grow apart and then maybe Sophia meets someone by some miracle. Gabe said though that she doesn't really like to socialize and she just likes to sit in her room and read... sooo.. greeeaaaaat (eye roll.) Hopefully he matures and realizes he can do better. As I write that, part of me feels a little bad because she's not horrible. She at least was respectful when I texted her that about not messaging as much, and I think hopefully she's adhering to that. (I haven't checked, so I'm just naively hoping...) 

Anyways, enough about that girl. Gabe is doing better and seems to be getting adjusted more, so that's the most important thing. I think it made me have a good day on Friday because we had talked so much and it kind of felt like maybe he was just across town and we were talking on the phone or something, and it was really nice. It's hard to go a week without talking to him, but Josh and I do send little encouraging messages usually at night before bed and sometimes throughout the day. He just "likes" them with a heart, but doesn't really respond much because he's not really supposed to. I feel like it's one of those gray areas that everyone kind of takes differently, because on the one hand, I'm telling Sophia, "Don't email him five times a day," but on the other hand, I think it's fine if Josh sends him a nightly quote or scripture of the day. But when Sophia emails him, it's like, "Oh my gosh Gabe, I miss you so much, you are so hot, you don't even know. None of the boys at FSY are as hot as you, and they were trying to talk to me, and I was like, "I have a BOYFRIEND on a mission," and then they left me alone," Like, I'm sorry. That is NOT anything Gabe needs to even be hearing right now. It in NO way helps him focus on the spirit or why he is there. All it's doing is selfishly making him think about you and how other guys are trying to talk to you, soooo just stop. Devil Woman. lol Okay, I'll try to have a better attitude about Sophia. I have to remind myself that I honestly probably would've been the same way at age 17. She just needs to do some maturing and hopefully date some other guys her senior year and then go to college somewhere and meet people, and then MAYBE if Gabe gets back in two years and dates her ALONG WITH SOME OTHER PEOPLE and decides, she is the one, then I will try to be nice. I don't know about her crazy mom. That's seriously the worst part. If her mom hadn't texted me, I think I'd be thinking a lot more positive thoughts about the potential of Sophia in his future life. But now that I've seen a taste of that mom's crazy, I don't know if I can handle living with that for the next 40 years!

Okay, I said enough of that girl and then slipped back to it. Can you tell I've been stressing about it?! Why did Gabe have to get a girlfriend right before his mission!? Anyways, I am going to be posting Gabe's weekly updates on his own blog, so I won't write a ton about what he's been doing at the MTC, but it sounds like it's a lot of Spanish, a lot of practicing teaching lessons to investigators, some devotionals, weekly temple trips, and more. I'm glad he seems to be adjusting and it seems to be getting a little better for him. The first few days I was like, having dreams that he showed up at home and was like, "I just couldn't do it anymore." But Friday after we talked, I went to sleep that night and woke up from a dream where he was actually on his mission in Spain and it was going well. So I think our Friday conversation really gave me more peace of mind. 

This next week is going to be a bit of a bummer, especially today through Wednesday. Josh had to go leave for Boise about an hour ago for a chief of police conference. Church today will feel so weird because two weeks ago in church I had my whole family by my side, then last week we were missing Gabe, now today it will be just me, Caleb, and Avery! (Tears.) Also, my good friend Claire is moving! AND she's been visiting family like the past THREE Sundays. Today she is in Washington. It's so sad! Then, she is moving into her new house on Wednesday, so she won't even be in our ward anymore! This has been a hard past two weeks with people in my life leaving. :( 

I know this might sound crazy, but I even started entertaining the idea of maybe having another baby! LOL I know, that's crazy. I'm aware. But I'm just missing Gabe and feeling like our life is getting to the point where I'm not ready to be done being a mother, but my kids are just going to keep leaving! Two more tears with Caleb, and then just a few more with Avery! I'm only 40. Maybe we could still have one more? The only thing that's keeping me from that is that that kid would be basically raised as an only child, and I feel like that would be really sad for them. I just need to try to not have a mental breakdown these next few weeks, and hopefully it will get easier and we will get used to Gabe being gone. I think it's hard when you only have three kids in your family and the oldest one is such an integral part of your family dynamic, and then he leaves. It just feels so empty. I honestly now kind of wish we would've have at least one more kid after Avery. Like, if I could just zap in a 10 year old boy (or girl, but probably preferably a boy... lol) it would make me feel less empty and sad because we'd just still be busy with kids, you know? But... we didn't have more at the time because my pregnancies had been so hard and I had to be on bedrest, and we were also struggling financially at that time, so it just didn't make sense to have anymore. I felt relieved to be done after Avery. But now, I'm just so of regretful that we didn't. Hopefully it gets better with time. 

Anyways, this was a really deep post. I hope someday I look back on this and am like, "Wow, that was such a hard time, I'm so glad I'm better now!" We have this last week of summer vacation, and then I have to start back up with school inservices and stuff starting on next Tuesday, August 20. I will be working all week, and then the NEXT week, the kids start school on Monday, August 26. Then, I'm excited that we will be busy with football games and school and hopefully things will start to feel somewhat normal again and the time will start going faster (I say that with such torn emotions because I know that if it goes faster, it means it's closer to Caleb leaving, and I don't want that either!) But I do really miss Gabe. Somehow, some way, we have to adjust to life without him for the next two years, but it's hard when your son was basically your best friend. :(